today i smoked a bit of weed. it wasn't much at all; if i were to sketch my level of high on paper my feet would still be halfway on the ground, with perhaps only the very ends of my heels lifted up. all the same, i've been drowsy enough since to keep closing my eyes, and for everything to be slightly calmer than it normally is. things just don't ( Read more... )

you're an idiot not to realize the obvious.
you're an idiot not to care about the obvious.
i'm an idiot to care which of the above is true.

good god.
when will this end?

at two in the morning disgust at my foolishness is just beyond the reach of my consciousness, and reason never dares approach my threshold; all i know here and now in this sleepy betweentime is this song, and this aching, beautiful fury, and the need that didn't die: the need to feel your grip imprisoning me just enough so that any struggle i make ( Read more... )

hours later the thought solidifies: i know what it is.
All I could tell him was that he was infuriating sometimes. I wasn't about to come close to explaining why.

the anger folded quietly inside my stomach, compressed and soft and heated to the touch, exists because i am incensed at the injustice of it: i am nineteen years old, mercurial, loud, ( Read more... )

i am someone who sits awake at two in the morning in a chilly dorm room redownloading winamp and reorganizing playlists, studying my own reactions like a curious neophyte of a psychoanalyst, fresh from some proper university education and temporarily destined to take on the world-- i sit and measure how fast each song makes my pulse race, how ( Read more... )

i think the problem is that when someone gives me music that i fall deeply in love with ( Read more... )

after months of thinking about it and then suppressing it and then completely forgetting about it, Alex and i somehow stumbled onto the subject of This Past Summer. I feel the need to allot capital letters to it because in a way I guess it was slightly pivotal; it was a first for me in some ways and it was one of many in others.

I don't know.

( Read more... )

1. Dr. Hrincevich has made me fall in love with biology all over again in the space of ONE lecture. I had forgotten how much I love understanding what my body does and how and why and what happens when you introduce this thing or that into its processes or take this thing or that away from it. There is so much to know and question and understand ( Read more... )

 I am becoming too clingy again,
touching what I can't grab though my nails are digging digging digging until i am sure there is flesh beneath keratin lids whose gene tags do not read E. Soileau (Clearance, 80% Off!) and there must be moons on your skin to match the stars you drew on his.

if you put us all together we make the texas sky, as massive ( Read more... )

for the first time in my entire life and hopefully the last because i really don't like them, i'm going to quote the clash ( Read more... )